May 14th, 2006
oOoOpPpSsSiIiIeEeE!!
Posted by sweet_purplebear at 03:23 PM on May 14, 2006.
i just can't understand why i have to feel so bad.. especially last night.. hayyy.. maybe i am over reacting.. exaggerating.. i dunno.. i just can't understand.. at one minute i was so happy.. then i was hurt.. i don't know why.. it's just that i am so confused.. confused of what i feel for him.. i thought it was just NOTHING.. but now i know.. there's SOMETHING.. there's something wrong.. i am so confused.. i thought i was just you know.. i was just noticing him because of what he can do.. but now.. i felt something.. one time i asked my self.. am i falling for him? and now, i am just waiting for the day i won't be denying the truth.. that i am falling.. falling for the person i had in mind for quite a long time.. i don't know if i should hinder myself or not.. i just don't want to admit that i do.. Love him.. because i know.. nothing will happen.. this is the first time i felt this way.. i just ahh.. NOOOOO!!!
Currently feeling: worried
May 7th, 2006
SiNgInG?? WHAT FOR??
Posted by sweet_purplebear at 02:13 AM on May 7, 2006.
well.. once again.. i feel so useless.. i feel so numb.. hayy ewan ko b if i should keep on fighting.. kasi iam so tired waiting for NOTHING.. believe me... sige.. ikukuwento ko n lng.. kasi sa totoo lang.. I DON'T WANT TO DO THINGS ANYMORE.. lalong lalo na ang KUMANTA.. i don't want to sing anymore.. as in.. dahil noon, i auditioned for a singing contest sa school.. so i was the one chosen to represent our club.. funny db? so yun.. i was practicing when.. someone very close to me told me to stop and wag na daw ako sumali.. kasi hindi lang nmn daw ako ang mapapahiya.. marami pang iba.. so i was discouraged.. kasi pag ako pa naman.. kumakanta... i always give my best.. pero when i heard that.. simula nung araw na un.. hnd ko na binibigay ang best ko pag kumakanta ako.. basta.. KUMAKANTA na lang ako.. parang wala lng.. kaya ngaun.. nagsusulat na lang ako ng songs.. nagrerecover.. paunti unti.. at hindi lang din un ang history.. kasi sabi ko.. i want to study college sa ibang bansa.. kung pwede sa london.. basta europe! sinabi nila.. hello! sigurado ka bang makakapasa ka dun? so ang sinabi ko.. eh din scholarship.. with... VOICE! sinabi nila.. wala na yung music music ngaun.. academic na daw ung hinahanap.. so.. lalong bumaba ang tingin ko sa sarili ko.. so ngaun.. feeling ko i can't sing well.. alam mo yun? parang what's the point db?? so i'd better not sing at all.. pero siguroo.. d ko kaya un.. kya.. i'll sing pero i still won't give my best like before.. kasi ayaw kong magbigay ng best dahil baka hindi umabot sa expectations nila yung gagawin ko.. so IT'S ALL USELESS!! so okay.. yun.. sana lang.. may mga taong.. hindi ako kailangang sabihan ng ganun.. kasi iam so sick and tired of being told that iam not good in singing.. OK! SO? basta... i will never ever give my best in singing.. unless.. someone would approach me and tell me.. that i can do it! KUNG MERON! eh pano kung wala??? ^___^
Currently listening to: the music of silence..
Currently reading: the lucky man.. michael j. fox
Currently feeling: USELESS...
May 6th, 2006
a USELESS girl...
Posted by sweet_purplebear at 08:41 PM on May 6, 2006.
i want to die.. right now.. i am a very bad person.. i want to suffer more than this.. gusto ko nang mamatay.. pls! anybody there? kill me! dahil lang sa isang simpleng bagay.. nagalit na siya.. mas mahalaga pa ba un kaysa sa aming lahat? sa akin nabunton lahat ng galit.. bad trip.. iam back again! bumalik nanaman ako sa pagiging sad at wala.. gusto ko nang lumayas at mamatay!
May 3rd, 2006
bakasyon grande!
Posted by sweet_purplebear at 09:41 PM on May 3, 2006.
ahaha.. i have a new name! wait.. i just got home from mindoro! we had our mission trip kasi.. ahaha.. so fun! lahat kami tumaba kasi banaman kakakain lang.. kakain nanaman.. gets nio nmn diba? eniwei, sobrang funny kasi nagkaroon ako ng madaming friends.. sobrang fun din dahil i got to know some people more.. sobrang hndi kami nakatulog ng maayos within that week! as in! just wanna say hi to everyone.. sige iisaisahin ko!
JeNnY!
jAnE!
AnGeL!
eSpEr!
AtE AiLeEn!
aTe MM!
kArLo P!
JL!
ShEiLa!
aLjOhN!
GaLo!
CyRuS!
pAoLo!
BuBoY!
kUyA Jj!
kUyA Rj!
JoNaCk!
JeTh!
ChRis!
aLdRiN!
rEmO!
kArLo Q!
Sobrang astig lang dahil in a short time, lahat kami naging close.. haha.. tawanan.. ayos diba? kami nila jenny at jane.. kami nila esper at angel.. kami nila ate aileen at ate mm.. lahat kami.. we had fun.. hnd namin inakalang in a short while we'll all be laughing together.. yung mga A2.. haha.. they are all so funny pero sobrang galing nilang lahat mag salita.. magworship! sobrang cool.. lalo na nung nag tongues worship si pao! 1st time kong umiyak sa tongues nun! ayos talaga! haha.. ung mga taong nanghula nang pangalan ko.. naging BON-BON na tuloy ang tawag sa akin ng lahat.. pati ung mga couple coordinators! astig talaga.. naglaro ng baraha! tongits, pusoy dos at K510! ayos talaga! hnd ko man napanood ang kim sam soon! ayos lang! haha! everything kasi.. it's all worth it! GOD IS SO GOOD! YEAH! ^___^
Currently feeling: sleepy
April 21st, 2006
oh my gulayyy!!!
Posted by sweet_purplebear at 09:29 PM on April 21, 2006.
oh my gush!! ano to?? well wait.. kasi nung april 19 birthday party at despedida ni ate phoebe, she made me cry and i made her cry.. pero napatawa ko siya dahil sa regalo ko.. cellphone holder at picture ko!! hehe.. well sobrang sad ko kasi wala na ung kayakap ko.. ahhh.. grrr..
galing ako ngaun sa practice ng cluster choir at konti lang ang umatend.. ok lang.. biglaan lang din eh.. pero napagalitan ako kasi umuwi ako nung april 19 mga 12 30 am na.. ngaun 8 pm lang naman.. pero nagalit parin.. pero ok lang.. hehe
good news! i stopped crying because of that guy i saw!! the guy who made me cry for 3 years!! haha... becasue of this guy.. he made me feel so special.. the way he pinches my cheek and the way he threatens me.. i love the way he... secret kasi malalaman nio na eh! menn.. sana hndi na ako umiyak kasi ibang iba siya dun sa dati! ahh.. i feel so ALIVE!
napansin niyo?? ang daming mas cool na nangyari nung hindi ako natuloy sa davao?? haha.. i feel so good!! i am coming mindoro!! hehe.. thank you God! i loooove you! 
Currently listening to: God Must have spent a little more time on you.. NSYNC
Currently feeling: silly
April 15th, 2006
WOOHH.. whatta summer!!
Posted by sweet_purplebear at 01:06 AM on April 15, 2006.
ohkayyy... so it's... argghhh... tanga lang talaga ako... i hate me! i hate me! oh my God.. is this true? i thought... men!! i saw him.. AGAIN.. well i don't know.. but i was with my family last wednesday.. kasi my uncle from the states visited us and well they wanted to see baywalk.. so there! we ate dinner and well, laughed!!! kasi ba naman dun kami napakain sa may mga bading no! pero masaya!! and then i was hoping to see some of my yfc friends.. BUT... i saw HIM.. pero i saw that guy who.. made me cry every night.. okay.. wondered why MADE? kasi.. tapos na.. pero the feeling is still there.. still with me.. oh.. men.. i thought everything is over.. that i forgot him na.. pero.. naconfuse ako when i saw his angelic face! ahhhhhh!! if only he knows what i feel for him.. what i really feel for him.. men! yuck ha! angelic face?? tokwa!! hayyy... and i just talked to him a while ago.. funny no?? nag chat for a while.. i asked him how's his holy week.. and what's his answer?? "well, my lola passed away" oh my GOD... and what did i say? "IAM SORRY, MY CONDOLENCES.." stupid me!! argggh!! wahhhhh.. i feel like crying right now! okay..
siguro.. purpose ni God na hindi ako papuntahin ng davao.. dahil marami ang nagyari these past few weeks.. siguro mas ginusto niyang mag stay ako sa manila.. anong mga nagyari? well, my brother passed the BAR exams, we went to puerto Galera and Boracay, my dad's birthday, my uncle stayed at our house (bakasyon lang...) at mamayang 6 am... kasi 12:57 am na.. pupunta ako ng Pangasianan for our yearly reunion.. hayyy.. ang daming nagyari.. isang linggo akong natulog ng madaling araw! haha..
astig no? parang so unbelievable na the 2 days before my flight, nagkasakit ako kaya kailangan nang irefund ang ticket.. nawala ung sakit ko after two days tapos... wala nang flight papuntang davao kaya nag punta kami ng puerto pero hnd masyadong nagandahan kaya dumiretso sa boracay tapos nakapasa kuya ko sa BAR at wala kami ng mom ko nung nangyari un.. tapos umuwi ung uncle ko tapos birthday ng dad ko, at the same time celebration ng birthday ni jf.. so buong araw akong lumamon.. tapos isang linggong walang pahinga dahil namili ung mga balikbayan sa bahay sa greenhills, nagpunta ng grotto sa bulacan, kumain ng halu-halo sa chowking for three consecutive days! hahaha! tapos papunta ng Pangasinan tapos didiretso daw ng Baguio?? tapos kukuha ng flight papuntang Davao.. hayy naku!! pupunta ako ng Davao! sana hnd na ako mag kasakit.. gusto ko pumunta sa Samal island!
hinigal b kau? kasi ako hiningal eh.. hahaha.. sige na.. tulog na me.. antok na me eh.. ay hindi babasahin ko pa pala ung book.. ung "The Lucky Man" by Michael J. Fox crush ko un eh.. sige na! buh-bye!!^_^
Currently listening to: silence
Currently reading: the lucky man--> michael j. fox
Currently feeling: weird